Self-Compassion

His Holiness Dalai Lama shares his philosophy of better living that leads to happiness and overcoming suffering. He is clear that to live well, we need to bring love, compassion, and wisdom into our everyday lives. Self-compassion is being kind to ourselves. We, humans, are guilty of being competitive, seeking superiority, and being critical of ourselves.

Being self-compassionate is recognizing that we are fallible and are meant to make mistakes. Yet we judge ourselves harshly when we are wrong. Professor Kristin Neff discusses this in her book; for example, think of a coach if a coach said you’re no good and will never make it. That is demotivating, yet we are sometimes guilty of thinking it will help. So if you’re kind, supportive, and encouraging, you can be motivated to reach your goals.

I’m not sure where people get this idea; maybe it’s left over from the thinking, spare the rod and spoil the child, I think we dropped the rod thinking with others, but we have one heavy hanging over us! I define self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend to your loved ones or a dear friend. And more so when they are going through a problem, have failed, or made a mistake. As we tend to be harder on ourselves than our friends. So I urge you to be your own best friend!

Understanding that life has its ups and downs is not always smooth. And when things are going well, we do not question, “why me?” But when they are going badly, why do we get into the “why me” state?
We know that life is not meant to be perfect, yet paradoxically we fall into a dilemma when things go wrong. It feels like the end of the world. But life is not meant to be perfect, and the baseline should not rest on perfection. Along the way, when we find moments of joy, savor them. Don’t rush through life without staying present in that moment.

When we savor and relish the moment, we stretch it in our consciousness.

Lastly, self-compassion is being open and vulnerable, allowing others to see you for yourself. The more authentic you are, the more self-compassionate you will be to yourself and others.