Fractured Parenting

Every family has a drama; some secrets, some small or large skeletons in the cupboard. But, families with turmoil, shame, and abusive relationships lead to a fractured parenting style. In most instances, it bears heavily on the children.

Unfortunately, although it is the most critical role we play in our lives, giving life and nurturing a human being to be a physically, emotionally, and morally balanced adult. There is no degree, rule book, or passing of a test that says we are competent to be parents.

Children deserve unconditional love as their perfect, unique selves. When this is missing, and the child experiences challenging parenting, not getting what they need from the parent, it leaves them feeling unloved and incomplete. Fractured parenting leaves kids in broken pieces.

Adults go into the world with missing pieces; to be unloved and not get the attention we deserve is to seek it elsewhere. In some instances, the tumultuous past makes kids go into substance abuse. In other cases, a child that feels undeserving of love or kindness may feel suicidal. Or a son spends his whole life wishing to get approval that makes him feel worthy. The trauma of fractured parenting can be seen in many shades in our society.

So how do we make it better? How do we resolve instances in our lives that have not given us what we truly need? People that have betrayed us, ones that chose others over us.

By living in the present and accepting that the past is over. By starting to love everything about you. By being your own best friend. By stepping out of your history and welcoming your destiny. Use what’s in you to build the future that you want.

Treat yourself to all you miss from your parents, partner, and others.

I love the thought that when we dip our feet into the sand and make a deep footprint, we can still not go back to the same spot and try to make the same footprint again. Not because we cannot but because the water is different! The ecosystem has changed, the slant of the sun’s rays has changed, and the feel of our breath is not the same.

The way to move out of any past unresolved issues, from our early days to those we face in our adult life, is to know that the change is only possible if we “let it go.” There is a beautiful saying in Sanskrit; to let go is to untie the knots that have prisoned you; we prison ourselves, oh yes, we do. We build the concentration camps in our minds, so let it go. Until we have our last breath, we are alive, and this incredible gift is ours; no one has the right over it.

Forgiveness comes when we work through our rage; anger is a necessary emotion; we were given it by nature, making us human. Let yourself get angry, be in a rage, and then work through the turmoil. Keeping anger bottled up is like a pressure cooker. It will burst one day. So, work through it; I like the story that I am sharing below:

Once there was a dog that had no hind legs, she would drag herself on her butt. She gave birth to a litter of perfect babies. Over time, her puppies started emulating her walk, and they would pull themselves along without using all four legs.

The reason is that we learn from our parents, from those we share our early lives with, and become them. But as adults, and we have the forces to make that dynamic transformation towards a better life. To change and permit yourself to get the love and care you need.

To have a happier life.