Don’t sweat the small stuff.

By way of advice on the secret to a loving and lasting marriage, Kahlil Gibran
offers:​ Let there be spaces in your togetherness,​ And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. ​
Love one another but make not a bond of love:​ Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.​ Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.​ Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.​ Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,​ Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. ​By Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet.​
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The above is the age-old advice of Mr. Gibran; in his wise ways, he has shown love, intimacy, and individual expression of freedom to be an essential part of togetherness.​
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The togetherness in relationships is what defines good intimacy and marriage. And as we commit to this old traditional institution, in the light of the day, we sometimes walk into it wearing rose-tinted glasses, of both expectations and roles.​
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Here we can be aware that we are two separate individuals with entirely different life stories, experiences, and family constellations. Here the expectations can be many, but we need to clarify what is most important. ​Don’t fight the unnecessary causes or battles. We can celebrate both similarities and differences.​
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To elaborate my point:​ We are from different backgrounds;​

Our early days at home make the most impressions on our lives; we form an image of how life “should” be. I wouldn’t say I like the word, Should. Because this implies it’s my way or the highway. We must realize that we cannot base our way on the filter systems of our beliefs. Our beliefs are precisely that, our beliefs. A few things are essential that may not be compromised; for some, it could be their values; to some, it could be duties; to me, it’s honesty; being honest creates trust.​
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We bring our life experiences into the relationship: We are a constant ball of life experiences and their impacts here; if we allow a specific experience to be the defining moment, we are only looking at it through our lens. Here is the opportunity to check whether it has space in your life today? Questioning this is most important, do you need to repeat the same experience or create new ones. Life together is not the same as being alone; now, it’s a partnership. And in any partnership being respectful and understanding each other and our needs are fundamental.​
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Understanding the partner’s needs: We all have needs that, when met, leave us in a joyful state, but many times we concentrate on what we want and forget what our soul truly needs here; it’s vital to communicate. In our busy multi-tasking world, we fail to communicate. We all are adept at saying what the other person should think, feel, and behave. Be sure that you spend time uninterrupted to listen, and listening is an art.​ The art of listening creates better communication, which may be the key to a good partnership.​
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Your love story is your own, do not be judged by others. Find some quiet time to reflect, understand yourself and then come together and find your shared space.​ And lastly, let go of the small stuff, keep the main in the main.

Written by : Farhana Vohra
Credits : Kahlil Gibran